American involvement in Vietnam took place when our country was going through a lot of changes. The 60's and 70's was a turbulent time when mostly younger Americans rose up against the government, staging large anti-war protests across the country. Thousands of Americans were calling for an end to the Vietnam war. Equality and civil rights activists also spoke out in many of these protests. Segregation was another heated topic of concern during this time which had created a lot of resentment toward government policy. The John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther assassinations, as well as the question of why we were in Vietnam, had instilled a lot of mistrust toward the way the American government was handling things. Facing these issues caused a lot of unrest in our country during that time. Americans outside of the government were fighting those inside of the government, (the 'freaks' or the people against 'the system' or the government.) Although it wasn't organized as a singular movement, due to its many factions, it was for all practical purposes the peoples' revolution, for democracy, equality and justice for all.
Aside from other issues during the 60's and 70's, I believe the long war in Vietnam and the huge loss of lives that it left behind, took away a lot of the original positive spirit of Americans. It turned Americans against Americans, and in some cases, put brother against brother. The United states had gone through a lot of changes during the two years and nine months I'd been in the army. Once I was back, I tried taking up where I left off at home in Michigan, in a very divided country. My only concern, after being gone for such a long time, and making it out of Vietnam alive, was to get back with friends and family. However, not being around to understand the changes every one seemed to have gone through made this an up hill battle. For one thing, my younger brother had grown his hair long and had chosen to live a lot different than the way we lived while growing up. I had no desire to become involved in anti-war protests. The fighting spirit had been taken out of me a long ways back, in Vietnam. Eventually, however, the on going killing in the war weighed heavily on me and I ended up trying to do what I could to stop it.
After returning home, the short honeymoon experience of reuniting with loved ones for a few weeks soon wore off. It was difficult trying to help provide family stability while it was breaking up at the same time, but for some reason, the elation or joy which I had anticipated coming back to, wasn't there. Things weren't the same. It was as if nothing really meant much to people any more. However, now that no one was shooting at me, I could take some time to think about life in general and the things I'd gone through. I began to question what life was all about. One or two years later, after searching through textbooks on evolution, anatomy, geology and other books having to do with life, including writings on several religions, I finally came up with what I think are some very good basic realities on what creation and life are all about.
Staring death in the face for an extended period of time in and around Vietnam drastically changed my life. Meaningful relationships with friends and family replaced former hopes and dreams. Surviving on a day to day basis at home became the goal, rather than trying to pursue what had now become unrealistic ambitions. Even though it was great to be back, readjusting to home life after getting shot at every other day in Vietnam wasn't an easy transition to make. Meanwhile, I've kind of stumbled and fumbled through what I've had to do to survive. I had to reorient myself back into a "civilized society" that couldn't begin to identify with the way I'd been living for almost three years.
In addition to the war, I had to spend eight long months in military hospitals, most of them army hospitals, before I was well enough to be discharged from the army. By the time I finally made it home, Vietnam and army hospitals had stretched my patience about as far as they could go. My former ambitions and dreams had become over shadowed by medical issues resulting from a night time ambush in Vietnam. I've wanted to get away from the army and the VA, but even now in March 2009, I am still taking antibiotics for reoccurring osteomyelitis in my leg. After months of fighting in Vietnam and numerous surgeries in army hospitals, I was released to a VA hospital in Michigan before I could eventually go home. As a patient, my last eight months in the army was at Valley Forge Army hospital in Pennsylvania.
I had three major surgeries on my ears at the Ann Arbor VA hospital a couple of years after I was discharged from the army. The hospital time and recovery afterwords didn't help my employment situation at all. Each operation required me to check into the hospital on a Monday and get out on a Friday. I lost at least one good job because of them. Each procedure was called a timpani plasti, which means to graft in a new ear drum from other live tissue off of the back of my ear. Some time after I had one of these surgeries, I made the mistake of blowing my nose too hard and blew one of them out. This made a third timpani plasti necessary. Both of the original eardrums had been blown out from an American made (M26) grenade. They couldn't be repaired until an infection in them cleared up. With doctors orders, I treated myself with boric acid ear drops for about two years until they could be operated on. I woke up during one of these times on the operating table after my anesthesia had worn off. The doctors were right in the middle of the operation when I told them, or yelled at them at the top of my voice to, "Put me back out!!" This horrendous experience triggered a series of some very bad nightmares, repeatedly waking me up in the middle of the night. Most of them had to do with being pinned down by enemy fire and VC coming after me in Vietnam. This lasted for over two months following the surgery.
I made it home in one piece, but in many ways, it's as though the war never completely ended. Relying on the VA for medical problems has been one thing to live with, but there's been no cure for combat memories. There's really nothing you can do with them other than add them to the rest of your life. Nobody really cares to know about any of it. They may say they do, but the majority of the time they really don't mean it. The more you try to explain in detail, what it was really like to someone who's never gone through much of anything, the more likely they're inclined to have the idea that it has probably negatively affected our thinking to the point where we may be either a threat or a burden to someone. It's kind of ironic, that the less you tell them, the more trustworthy we probably are. Anyway, I've never been able to just put it all behind me or pretend that it never really happened. The closer a person wants to be with me, the more I'm willing to share...
The mood in main stream America had dramatically changed while I'd been gone. A lot of the country's population no longer held traditional American values. I believe this was largely due to the high number of casualties that were sustained in this unpopular war. It was obvious after witnessing a number of atrocities of our governments mishandling of the war, and because of the way we were instructed to fight in it, that our country was headed in the wrong direction. As a result, any confidence I formally had in the U.S. government regarding the war, was lost. However, even though I could heartily identify with the younger generations feelings toward an immoral war, I hadn't lost the need to want to do what is right or the need to listen to my conscience.
The majority of the drug culture I came home to had given up on American ideals and was using drugs to cope with the ill fated war in Vietnam. Also compounding the problem was high unemployment. Jobs were few and far in between. Needless to say, I was way out of sync with the mind set of family and friends after eventually making it home. It seemed as though I had lost the bond, or intimate connection with most of them. The reality in Michigan was a lot different than the one I had looked forward to coming home to. Some wanted nothing to do with American values. There were some so blindly patriotic that they had forfeited any sense of logic or reason when it came to understanding our role in Vietnam...
Life for me, since Vietnam, has been full of new and different experiences. I tried going to college shortly after returning home from the army, but I had lost my patience with the rigors of institutions and dropped out shortly after my first semester. Nine years later, after reaching the conclusion that I wasn't going to get a decent job without it, I went back to school and eventually got a bachelors in social work degree. I worked in the helping professions for several years, which has been a rewarding experience for me.
I've had a spiritually fulfilling life as a Christian since the early 70's, in and outside of the institutional church, and have traveled to Europe and the Middle East on a personal three month exploration tour in 1987 which opened my eyes to the way things are happening in and around Israel. Overall, the accumulation of experiences I've had in my life has given me a pretty good education, I think. Hopefully, they will in some way benefit someone else...
