While still fighting in Vietnam, the majority of us in our company were not aware of the atrocities committed by Company C that day at My Lai. We heard rumors over our prick-25 field radio that something very bad had happened, but it was not explained... My experiences with the captain of Company C hadn't been positive ones. I was chewed out by him once back at Schofield during a battalion inspection for having some fresh paint on the back of my field trousers that I wasn't aware of.
In Vietnam, I remember him coming up to me after his men had just swept through a village. I was sitting on the edge of my foxhole which was in line with other positions as part of a blocking force. If his company had flushed out any VC, we were supposed to catch them as they came our way. He asked me where the CP was, or command post. I said it's over there, and I pointed in the direction of where our captain was. He became infuriated that I hadn't said sir when responding. He told me that if he encountered my lack of respect anytime in the future that he would have me busted down to a private. He ordered me to stand at attention in enemy territory and to always say sir when responding to an officer. I stood at attention and like back in the states, saluted him properly. We'd been trained that doing this would tip off the enemy that it was one of our leaders. Once again, the rules in combat are much different than the rules back in the states. Obviously, saluting him in Charlies back yard would be putting his life in jeopardy. I saluted anyway just to stay out of trouble with this captain...
Following the "My Lai massacre", in March of 1968, the fighting got heavier and more intense. Shortly after this atrocity had taken place on April 2, the term "search and destroy" mission was changed to "combat sweep"... General West Moreland continued to express to the American public that we were winning the war, but the NVA and Viet Cong grew to be more powerful than ever as time went on. Company B remained very involved with the enemy while "humpin' the boonies." We torturously moved through all kinds of terrain, for extremely long distances at a time. The more men we lost, the more the original troops of Company B knew that the odds of returning home alive were slight, at best.
While I pulled night watch at the edge of my foxhole in the middle of the jungle, I remember holding my transistor radio earphone to my ear, quietly listening to president Johnson. He kept talking about how he was gonna bring the troops home from Vietnam... I kept waiting for him to say that it was over. I sat at the edge of my foxhole many nights while I pulled watch, not being able to see more than two feet in front of me. The war was dragging on into what seemed like eternity. Meanwhile, Charlie could take me out with a bullet or with a knife at any time...
After hill (352), casualties and kills continued to pile up on our side. The men became increasingly more withdrawn as the incentive to follow strict orders lessened. Survival seemed to be what it was all about. You had to look out for yourself while trying to operate effectively with the rest of the men. As a squad leader, I too focused not so much on how to pursue the enemy, but on how to stay alive. It was a war in which we were not allowed to take the necessary actions to win. The enemy had the freedom of movement and all of the support of their leaders to fight us with everything they had. We had to fight like puppets on a string while asking, "Is it ok to shoot back now???"
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