I mentioned earlier that it's really not possible to provide a carbon copy explanation of occurrences that take place when God changes your life. That would be just about as impossible as trying to explain what it's like coming out of our mothers womb... In all of the testimonies I've read or heard, I don't think I've ever found any that have explained in detail the work that God does in a persons life when one surrenders to God. The only ones anyway, who would be able to relate to it or understand, are those who've gone through the same experience themselves, so there's really no need to elaborate on it. I believe Jesus knew when He spoke to people that there were some who would understand what He was saying, because they genuinely wanted to know the truth, and that there were others who would not be able to understand, because they were simply listening with different intentions.
At some point in the process of my surrender, He gave me the self awareness that my flesh was no more than the flesh of an animal which led me to pray all the harder. All in all, I wept and prayed for about six days, until I'd given every complaint and short coming to Him that I could think of. Physically speaking, in the process of it all, I wept so hard that I had pulled the muscles in my stomach to the extent that I had to hold onto it in order to get up from the bed I was lying on. It was hard to pray with the cigarette problem nagging at my lungs, so that was one of the first things that had to go. Once I addressed it, God took it out of the way. The surrender I made was complete. I don't think it could be humanly possible for it to be more complete. Shortly afterwards, things started changing for the better in my life...
The only illustration I can think of as to how everything eventually worked out, is the one that I referred to earlier, about the monkey that had been riding on my back. It had finally let go, taking with it, a huge sense of defeat. In its place was an inner reassurance that I'd gotten rid of everything that had been troubling me and bringing me down. It wasn't long afterwards when a van full of long haired bikers like myself, stopped by and bought my chopped Triumph for eight hundred dollars. I gave a demonstration ride for them first, down along West Knoll street, winding it out through all the gears, running it up to about 60 or 70 miles an hour, just so they could see that it was working alright. It had short, straight exhaust pipes with no muffler in the way, so it was audibly convincing that the motor wasn't missing or anything. Fortunately, nobody pulled out in front of me...
With the money I needed, to be on my way out of LA, I chose to head back to Michigan instead of going to Hawaii. I had no reason to go there to meditate on anything now that my life had become understandable. Anyway, after acquiring renewed hope and renewed energy, I took a short detour to Colorado to try one more time to work things out with the one I'd been having a relationship with for the previous three or four years. I had her fly half way to California, just to get her out of Michigan, away from the party life and the bar scene. I thought spending some time together in the mountains would be a nice getaway from all of the distractions of life back home. However, it didn't bring us closer together. It only worsened things between us. We never did resolve our differences and eventually split up for good.
0 comments:
Post a Comment